When you start doubting yourself
The excitement of trying something new is addicting. You feel so dazed and divine. In one moment of success you are made sure that nothing and no one can actually break you and you start falling back in love with yourself. It happens to all of us and rarely even, lasts forever. But sometimes, one failed act. One bad day, ruins it all altogether and nearly breaks yourself to a thousand pieces
When you decide you actually want to make a difference, but every small attempt makes believe you are a talentless brute and your motivation just falls together, and you actually do believe that this awful, awful feeling will probably last forever.
When I was younger, I suffered from depression and despite my hardest efforts this feelin sometimes lingers still. Depression is like a shadow, no matter how much you think you actually got rid of it, you turn your gaze only to find it latched to your body. sometimes it shadows yourself entirely, and sometimes, when the light of day strike you in just the perfect place, you can barely even see it, and I could honestly never find a better description for myself.
I started something amazing and grand, and somehow gave in to the darkness, and let criticism kicked in. Every small thing I did was thrown back into the “trash” pile. Every single poem, painting, song or post. Every single attempt of creativity. Every bit of my soul – Not good enough.
It can happen in your own center of misery, lodged back in your brain, or from anyone elses slight critic you let influence your work altogether, and the only person you actually punish with it is yourself.
This kind of posts are my attempt to spill my heart, to reconnect and to actually make an influence. I know everyone has those moments of self doubts that breaks them up, and that’s totally fine sometimes. Moments are nothing but that, mere moments. Don’t let them define your life or influence the person you are or you might eventually find yourself standing in a dark dark room, unable to find the door knob.
I know it might be hard, but you can never really do something if you keep criticizing your every action. That’s not how life works. Life is measured by actions not doubts, and dreams don’t come true unless you do.
I keep telling myself that. Keep pushing myself, and yeah I might fall, but at least I get up. So if you’re down too, just get up and stop with the doubting. You’re way better than that 🙂
Lots of love